Dear Jenna is a feature on The Paleo Project. Similar to an advice column, Dear Jenna was created by the questions I receive from readers. Topics generally involve Paleo but are open to: crossfit, relationships, writing, photography, friendship, family, blogging and the like. It’s written in the style of Dear Abby with the candor of Carrie Bradshaw. Want to be featured on Dear Jenna? Send me an email at paleoblog(at)gmail(dot)com with the subject: Dear Jenna
Dear Jenna,
Thank you for this column it has helped me a lot lately as I just started Paleo for the New Year and I’ve been going through old ‘Dear Jenna’ posts for advice. My question is this: how do you do Paleo when you’re out with family or friends or away for the weekend? I think Paleo is challenging enough in my house with my own groceries – adding the unpredictable factor of restaurant menus, judgment from others who don’t understand, or the temptation of what my friends are ordering, is enough to make me not want to leave my house ever.
I hope you have some tips for this type of situation – it would help me a lot!
Allyson K.
Allyson,
You’re right – this is probably the most challenging aspect of being Paleo. It adds an element of surprise and stress and anxiety that no amount of prep work can ready me for. Two years ago, I worried about this all the time and would miss out on fun nights due to that anxiety. A year ago, I kind of got side tracked, stopped thinking about it, and ate more of a 50/50 Paleo/Non-Paleo lifestyle that left me feeling like I took 10 steps back every weekend. Now, I have strategies that allow me to feel good about my choices when I’m out but don’t make me feel like the odd-man-out. I hope this helps you too.
Treat It Like an Allergy
I know this sounds strange, but even though I don’t need an EpiPen, I believe I’m “allergic” to dairy and grains because I have an adverse reaction to them. Maybe it’s simple like a breakout or a bad stomach ache, maybe it shows up a few hours or days later, but it isn’t fun and I take it seriously. So I’m upfront about this to my friends and family and waiters. I tell them I won’t enjoy the night if I eat those foods, I tell the waiter please don’t bring me a bun, please don’t bring me a birthday cake, please don’t cook my steak in soy, etc. People may not take you seriously if they think you are just “dieting” but people always take allergies seriously.
Read the Menu Before Dinner
I learned this from my best friend Chelsey, who is allergic to every thing. Whenever she knows she has dinner plans at a place she’s never been before, she looks up the menu online. With technology, you can literally see a menu on your computer at work a few days before, or on your smart phone in the car as you pull into the restaurant’s parking lot. By doing this, you can pretty much get a feel for what the restaurant offers in privacy, rather than waiting until you’re surrounded by your friends who are all ordering paninis dipped in chocolate covered cheese bread dusted in sugar (OMG). Often, I’m able to find a good dish with chicken or steak and vegetables, a salad with some seafood or meat on it, or a bunless burger with lots of toppings. It’s not impossible, it’s not!
Don’t Be Afraid to Speak Up
If I had a dollar for every time I was with someone who was afraid to speak up, I’d have SO MANY DOLLARS. Fortunately, though I have many awkward tendencies, this isn’t one of them, but I have many friends (and a boyfriend) who really feel uncomfortable being forward about something they ARE PAYING FOR. That’s how I see it. I’m paying you to give me food, or clothes, or candlesticks, whatever it is, and if that means you have to: check if there is cheese in that, check if there is another size out back, or check if I can have a discount on this broken candlestick because it’s the last one here, then I would like you to do so. Here is my money, good day! Perfect example: I was out to dinner at this nice restaurant with James’ family and literally every person around the table wanted to order the steak special. I felt good about ordering steak and didn’t have any questions. James’ mom asked the waiter if he recommended the steak? Do you know what he said!?! “Yes! It’s amazing. We cook it in a COCA-COLA BROWN SUGAR GLAZE bla bla bla” I didn’t hear anything else, too busy looking for new menu item/avoiding diabetic coma. Imagine if no one had asked? I mean, I wouldn’t have died or anything, but this is what restaurants do! They coat your meat in soda pop and don’t think to put that on the menu. AMERICA. Now, I speak up.
Find Your Drink
On drinking: my drink is vodka soda with lime. Find yours. Choose the cleanest drink that you can stand and stick to it. Also, get a DD and don’t text anyone who is in your phone as “Don’t Text This Person”.
Suggest Where to Go
This is my last piece of advice: if you do know places that are more akin to your lifestyle, do some research and suggest these places. Why not? I’m sure along side their grass-fed steaks and sweet potato fries, your friend can still find a chocolate covered panini ice cream sandwich thing. It’s not like your healthy choice has to interfere with anyone else’s healthy/unhealthy choices.
Love,
Jenna
Have any healthy tips to add, Allyson and I would love to hear.
18 comments :
I’m with you on treating this diet like you have a big list of allergies, which I believe we do! I have also convinced myself over the past year or so that bread is absolutely gross, which is weird but helps a lot. Referring to milk as “cow pus” has also been beneficial.
EW, cow pus haha I didn’t like cow’s milk before, and now I REALLY don’t want to ever see it.
HAHAHA cow pus really makes me cringe. Thanks for that, Megan <3
I’m with you on the feeling of sticking up for myself when I’m paying for food, but going paleo has been really awkward with friends and family who are making me food. The rule I’ve set for myself is: if it’s someone I’ll probably never see again, I don’t bother making myself the center of attention (because it stresses me out bigtime). But if it’s a “repeat-offender” situation, I go the “multiple allergies” route. Also, my husband pointed out: a lot of people still don’t know about paleo and its health benefits, so if I’m holding back out of embarrassment, I’m missing a chance to maybe help them!
I like your mentality about repeat offenders vs. never gonna see you again hosts. There is a huge difference!
i ALWAYS GO THE ALLERGY ROUTE. aLWAYS.
Oi vey. Please forgive me for the all caps post. Apparently my caps lock was on.
haha it’s a comment glitch – not your fault. It’s like.. how often do we have our caps lock on? Never. And yet, I’ve got 23 comments since the new layout was put in and they all have the caps lock on. It makes me laugh every time!
Great advises.I would love to try going paleo myself after reading your blog I’m getting more motivated. I also LOVE your advise about reading the menu online before ordering inside a restaurant because I always get that feeling that I’m making the waitress and everyone around me stress (because it takes me a long time to decide for something) and I end up just getting something in a hurry. never thought of that but again thanks a lot for that advise is the best idea for a person like me
Awesome Ramiro – glad to have helped in any small way! It’s a big transition but one I find to be worth it! Good luck!!
This is so helpful! I don’t eat paleo, but even just trying to eat clean and healthy is difficult in social situations. thanks for the tips!
p.s. we have the same go-to drink
No problem! I tried leaving a comment on your new blog today but it didn’t show up… did it?
Totally agree with you on this! One question though—— do some restaurants actually cook steak in soy? (Love how that’s what stood out to me most in this post haha.)
A lot of this is great advice, but I’d caution against using your first tip in restaurants.
It may be helpful to think you’re “a little” allergic to dairy, grains, etc, to avoid eating them, but claiming a false allergy unnecessarily burdens the restaurant.
Restaurants go to great lengths to comply with allergy warnings – creating a stock item from scratch, cooking in a separate part of the kitchen and using utensils reserved for allergy-free cooking. Informing the waiter of an allergy immediately puts that diner and dish on high alert — if an allergen creeps into a dish, the restaurant could be at fault.
If you won’t die or need a hospital visit from eating it, please don’t claim an allergy.
Instead of falsely claiming allergies, I say I have “sensitivities” to certain foods or have “dietary restrictions” that keep me from eating the butter or corn or whatever. Or I don’t give a reason, just ask questions and request substitutions. If they get it wrong, I politely send it back or pick off the offending ingredient if I can. Restaurants want to provide excellent service and the ones I’ve ordered at this way are more than happy to oblige my requests — without all the panic that ensues in the kitchen.
When I’m with friends or family, I use it as an opportunity to talk about why I choose to eat paleo.
Hi Jackie! Thank you for pointing these important things out (to me and others). To clarify, I used the word “treat” specifically to imply that no, I’m not telling the waiter I’m allergic to those foods, but instead telling them not to bring them (where as someone else may just eat around the bun/the cheese/the chocolate) I choose to avoid it completely. My main point in tip number 1 was to give readers a new way of Looking at Paleo that exits the realm of “dieting” and enters the realm of lifestyle. I do understand the complexity of allergies as my neice is highly allergic to all nuts eggs and seafood – so I am aware of the measures restaurants take and totally agree with you – it’s too much to ask for simple intolerances. Thank you for commenting and I hope this clears things up!! Have a good weekend
Thanks for the response! It does change your perspective when you begin to think of your body’s reaction to certain foods (and is one reason why people do an elimination diet). I wanted to chime in because my friends who work in the restaurant industry are irked by people saying they’re allergic when they’re not and it reflects poorly on people who want to make smart decisions for their bodies and therefore make special requests.
I’ve found the more I talk about what I eat and why I eat it, the more my friends and family members are open to changing their own eating habits (and at the least, are more open to tolerating mine!)
Love these tips! I always ask if i can substitute items – such as skip the bread/rice/etc. for extra veggies. I also just make the requests without being annoying or rude like saying you’re on a specific diet or avoid foods because they’re “bad.”
Excellent, excellent advice. I haven’t gone completely paleo yet, but hubby and I try to eat pretty clean. going out with friends is the hardest! Thanks for the tips!