I changed my mind four times this week.
It started on the couch on Monday night when I realized that it had been four days since I last blogged and seven days until I would again. Looking at James I said, I don’t know if I want to blog anymore.
I changed my mind back on Thursday when I got punched in the jaw by a stranger at the Marina and all I wanted to do was tell you every detail. I’m fine. Jaw hurts. No idea who the asshole was.
But by Friday night, I was in a bar dancing with eight of my best friends passing around beers and being as obnoxious as possible while still looking pretty and I drunkenly told Katie, I don’t think I want to blog anymore.
Then the following Tuesday came and I was covered in the kind of happiness that only a week at the beach can bring, and I missed you again.
Since the first blog post I wrote in January 2011, I haven’t taken more than two consecutive days off from blogging. Due to that startling statistic, this blog has become more than a routine. It’s become a passion, a hobby, a release, an escape, a friend.
When I took last week off from blogging to be free from my laptop and any extra responsibility that comes with scheduled posts and filling space, I didn’t expect anything more than that. I expected the week to end and I’d just start where I left off.
But then I felt something, not unlike the whole reason behind the holiday I was celebrating.
Freedom.
Everything I did, I did and when I was done, I was done with it. There were no stories forming in real life and then writing themselves in my head. I was just living like the other half lives. My life was private again. No one knew exactly where I was or who I was with or what I was eating or where I was going. And I realized, why should anyone care if I come back or not?
But I missed you, too.
It’s hard sometimes and strange always: Talking to yourself on the Internet and wondering if the people on the other end are reading because they love you, or because they’re bored. Reading because they care, or because it’s entertaining. If they’re laughing with you, or at you.
No one asks me to blog every day. I just do it.
And maybe for that exact reason, sometimes I want to stop.
But then here I am, writing my life away, feeling like I’m supposed to be doing just that.
I have a feeling my mind will change again and again and again until I stop for real.
But I promise when that happens, I’ll miss you.
36 comments :
I could have written this myself. You said everything I feel. If you stop, or if you don’t… I’ll keep checking in either way.
Don’t you love when you stumble across a post that does that for you? Thanks for reading and commenting – means so much.
I went through the same thing for a long time, and finally I decided I didn’t want to anymore and now I feel liberated. I love not blogging, but eventually I’m sure I’ll start to miss it again. Whatever you decided, however often you decide to blog, we will still be here to support you
You know – I read your last post in the beginning of June and wasn’t sure if it was a good bye or just a break. Either way, I’ll miss it, but at least we’re close enough to catch up other ways. When are we going mini golfing/bumper boating/ice cream eating?
i so do this back & forth thing. sometimes i feel pressure to continue, i think that’s what makes it especially hard… our blogs can grow with us, we could stop & then some day… start a new one, or start over. just like that. hope your vaca was fun!!! xo L
It was so fun. Thank you for the comment. Sometimes I think I’ll drop the whole Paleo blog thing all together. But oh well.
i missed you too.
I enjoyed seeing your instagram updates, but was certainly looking forward to your return to the interwebs. I look forward to your updates in my reader.
Ooh god I’m almost embarrassed at how much I upload to instagram. But obviously not that embarrassed since I continue to bombard people with photos of my face.
I can understand where you are coming from (not from experience but it just makes sense). But just so you know I really appreciate you! You personally really helped me jump in the Paleo diet. I find several websites helpful, but I check yours everyday because you’re my favorite and I can relate to you the most!
If nothing else THANK YOU for helping me transition into a lifestyle I find so much more fulfilling.
DON’T MAKE ME CRY. No really, I’m your favorite!?!!?!? Don’t tell anyone but now you’re my favorite reader. Wink Wink. I’m really happy you read it daily and I’m proud of your transition!! Go girl.
I always look forward to reading your posts when I see them pop up – usually on FB. However, I know exactly what you mean. I don’t blog nearly every day, but when I go days without it, I start to question why I even do it at all. As nice as it is to post and as nice as it will be to have all the memories written down some day in the future, sometimes its nice just to live in the moment, and let it be that. A moment.
Amen to that. I guess we can do whatever we want and that’s the best part of all. Thanks for always reading, Lisa!
i’m glad your back. especially because i’m horrible at keeping in touch!
It’s crazy I never see you but I’m happy you read! XOX
i think that’s a totally normal feeling when you go for a few days at a time without it. one could even make the very valid argument that it’s a lot like dieting. like, when you eat paleo for 3 weeks straight, you’re like, I FEEL AWESOME AND OMG I NEVER WANT TO SEE A CUPCAKE AGAINNNNNNN!!! and then you go out with friends, throw back a few adult beverages, and find yourself binging on late night pizza and suddenly you’ve been eating nothing but pie, pasta, and gummy bears for a week. and then it gets SOOOOO hard to go back to eating paleo. like, you know in the end you will, but you question, if only for an instant, whether you really wanna do it.
at least, that’s how i feel.
p.s. you can’t go anywhere–what about TwoFaced?!?!
Best metaphor ever. Or is it an analogy? Those always confused me. I’m not going anywhere unless it’s WITH YOU. And where we’re going is to the publishing house!
i love that you write and i missed your posts. you say exactly what we are all feeling and going through. of course, it is your life that youre putting out into the world but you do it in an amazing way. do it cause you love it, not cause you have to.
I missed you! Keep writing, please. Even though sometimes you may feel like no one is out there and no one is listening…we are. You share your stories that help us all relate and know that we aren’t alone..we usually feel the same things you do and its comforting for you to put it out there to keep us sane. Blog away!
Dude, I’m glad your back. I did miss you. I have made folders of site’s I’ve bookmarked that are catagorized and alphabetized (Type A much?) and my Paleo folder is the one that I always check first. Everyday I’d check on your site, no blog..? hmm I wonder if she’s coming back…I HOPE SO! I miss living vicariously through her fashion, which I certainly don’t have! And, I miss hearing about her life.
In a nut shell, stay! STAY!
I’m glad you’re back- you’re a funny and fantastic writer. I’m just starting to blog, myself, and am realizing what a commitment it is. I took the past couple of days off and feel guilty, like a slacker. I know I shouldn’t, because I was tres busy, but I do. Any advice for time management?
Thank you Brielle! First – I come from a very strong belief that there’s no time for guilt! It’s a wasted use of energy. But as for time management, I just got into a routine that worked for me. I found that I liked to start writing posts during a quiet time at work – say 3pm. I stop for the day then before bed I go reread what I wrote, add the photos, and if it still sounds good, I finish the post and schedule it for early the next morning. That might not work for you, but ultimately, there has to be 30 minutes a day you could find if you wanted it. I usually tell James I’m not going to watch TV with him so I can finish a post quick, or I wait until he goes to work.
Thanks. That’s a good way to do it. Splitting up the work probably helps you write better. I know that, when I write, I start off well, but then it can sound better in my head than it reads on paper. Editing later at night will help me clarify myself for my readers. You are so right: guilt is a dead end emotion. I’m in Boston for a week and I’m not going to feel guilty if I never look at my computer.
“Sometimes you feel like a nut, sometimes you don’t”…oh wait, that’s the old Almond Joy jingle. Dedicated people set goals for themselves. Sometimes goals shift. I enjoy reading your blog and getting to know you, but I enjoy the photos just as much. Seeing the world through other people’s perspective is enlightening. Whatever you do, just don’t miss the journey because you’re too busy writing about it. TV with James could be more rewarding than writing a post. Just sayin’…
You’re so wise Gayla!
Jumping on the bandwagon to say that I’m also glad that you decided to come back! I’m a fairly new reader but checking your blog every morning has already become part of my daily routine. It makes procrastinating in my cubicle that much more enjoyable, haha. But seriously, keep it up as long as blogging is still enjoyable for you!
Was great to read your blog this am with my coffee! I would so miss your blog if you stopped…love your recipies, photographs, words……As well as seeing a glimpse into your life. You have inspired me to go full force into a healthy way of feeding my family, you made paleo fun and not scary for me…and you are so real and honest about it. You so helped with getting me over my crossfit fear!! (Starting after my surgery!) Whatever you decide to do know that you have helped a lot of people!! You are an awesome writer and if you stop blogging I look forward to reading your book someday!!
your comment makes me so happy. If I’m ever in doubt about blogging, I’ll just re read this. haha
I think this all the time!!! I actually posted something kind of similar today. Sometimes I wonder why I keep writing… But for some reason I keep coming back and I cant help myself. I really do love blogging. It’s nice to take a break sometimes though, so I’m glad you did. I’m also glad that you decided to come back! I love reading your blog. Stick around!!
Thank you Ashley! I guess this feeling is way more common than I thought.
I think about this sometimes too lady, but in the end it’s nice to have a release…… even if no one is reading, or people are just there because they’re bored. Ya know? When you’re a writer, you just want to write – regardless of how large/who your audience is.
I agree. The audience isn’t the issue at all. I just write a lot in notebooks and I guess I’d still be writing – blog or not!
I love reading your blog and its encouraging to me as I start the Paleo diet, even when you don’t post about Paleo, because I know there’s a girl out there like me striving for the same sort of food ideals. I enjoy reading about your life and it gives me perspective at times. I hope you keep blogging and I’d love to see more Paleo from you if you’re willing … such as what you eat most days? But I do know exactly how you feel. I used to a be a big part of an online community for several years and I drifted in and out of love with it. I found if I took a break (desired or not), I often didn’t want to go back but then I’d find myself craving it later. I think it’s normal to have a fluctuating relationship with things and people – you need to do what makes you happiest in this aspect of your life. You can’t tie your decisions what will or won’t please others in a case like this, I think.
Thank you! I would love to do a post focusing on my daily eats, at least a week’s worth to show some variety. Good call and thank you for your comment. XO
I have totally felt this before, especially with the new job I started a year ago (tomorrow) which takes up so much more of my time. So I decided a few weeks ago that if I felt overwhelmed then I just wouldn’t blog for a few days or *gaps* a week, no explanation or excuses needed. I have had to do that every once in a while and it feels great because I know what I have to offer when I am posting isn’t forced.
http://lachapstickfanatique.blogspot.com
I’ll have some moments of sadness if you decide to stop blogging, to be frank. (I’m actually Danielle, not Frank but I digress…) BUT I do understand wanting to have your life back.
Just know that people do read your words for various reasons: mine are to be entertained and I have this slight fascination with women who are my age whom I have never met (Olsen Twins, other bloggers)… love to hear what they are doing and how they live their lives. The fact that we have paleo(ish) in common just makes it that much better.
Your blog is one of my favorites, just so ya know!
Aw danielle, thank you so much. That was such a great comment and I feel lik I know you through blogging and it means so much to me.