On June 6, 2006 I woke up late. I had a hangover. From drinking. From crying. From being 18. The night before my best friend had lost his 9 month battle with a cancer we could never understand. After hearing the news, I went to a party with some friends where I drank too much and slapped an ex-boyfriend in the face. On this particular June morning-after, I had somewhere to be. It was drizzling out. I had no time to shower and my eyes were puffy. I threw on the first thing I saw as I ran out the door. A few hours later, my name was called and I was handed a diploma. Under my gown, I was wearing a bathing suit cover-up. I was a high school graduate and my sweet friend Matt would never turn 20.
For four years, the beginning of June marked nothing for me but the start of summers fueled by emotion and alcohol. That’s what my town did best, after all. We drank that night and almost every night after. We drank and drank and I remember the escape I looked for but never found. Months turned into years and suddenly I couldn’t remember his face anymore, or why I was still drinking and crying.
The summer I didn’t go home was the summer I met Grace. I was to be her nanny. She was four.
When she told me her birthday, it was hard not to make a connection. Not to think about how the day she was born was also the first day that Matt didn’t see, or that we didn’t see Matt, rather. It was hard not to think how ironic, how unfair, how strange. How sad I was on the day you were born. Not to think about how his parents said good bye while her parents said hello.
So instead of trying not to think about it, I did. I thought about it and I wrote about it and I thanked God for blessing me with these two vastly different, yet connected friendships, and also for the ability to put down in writing how much they both mean.
14 comments :
I truly believe there is something bigger at hand in these “coincidences” – My mom died on March 30, I was 14, without a doubt the worst day of my life. When I met the man who later became my husband and he told me his birthdate was March 30 I was speechless..
Another beautiful post Jenna…Love the pictures too!
Wow, Hilary.. the line I didn’t write at the end of this post was to say “May we all find days like June 6th, days that hurt us and someday, heal us.” Sounds like you did.
jenna, these are the kind of posts I can’t read in the morning. people at work probably thing i’m an emotional timebomb!!! such a sweet way to remember Matt.
CupcakesOMG!
I love this. What a wonderful way to remember Matt! I’m sure he’s so happy where he is, and glad that you’ve found a way to be reminded every year just how sweet life can be. Love you, friend! Happy birthday to Grace!
This was a really touching post, I used to nanny for a couple years when I first moved down to DC from NJ and think about them often. Children can be so therapeutic through their innocence and ability to just love so much with out any reason to.
Erin
This was a nice post. I can relate in a way. My fiance’s first nephew was born on the day my Mom died. November 5, 2003 gives me a stabbing feeling in my gut but to everyone else I know in his family it gives them joy. I didn’t know my fiance or his family when my Mom died/his nephew was born. The whole idea of it gives me an eerie, comforting sensation if that makes any sense.
I’m sorry for your loss.
you’re amazing. this is probably one of my favorite posts. he was an amazing person who went too soon but the fact that your Grace was born on the same day….just shows that life gives us what we need. and she is the sunshine on your cloudy day.
He was so amazing! Miss that handsome face all the time. Thank you for the comment, Lizz.
Love this post Jenna… I’m loving the more personal writing you’re doing lately! PS. Come back to DC so we can FINALLY meet up please!
Thank you Joelle! I will definitely be back there as soon as I can. I can’t wait to meet you!
Oh Jenna this is so so perfect! I’m always so inspired to look at things differently after I read your work. I lost my closest aunt back in december and I’ve yet to come to terms with it like this. Thanks for writing this, and for showing me that maybe in a few years I’ll look at the whole thing differently. Much love to you, lady!
Oh thank you so much! I’m so sorry for your recent loss, I don’t think it ever makes sense no matter how many years pass, I guess we just find more peace with time.
This post was beautiful, thank you for sharing.
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