September 19, 2012 – A comment from a reader
I know these posts were done a while ago, but I discovered your blog while researching paleo and was pleasantly surprised to find that where you were two years ago is pretty much where I am now – post-graduation, un(der)employed, broke, panicking, trying to fix nutrition, exercise, outlook to improve the rest. It’s good to read about someone having a similar experience who came out the other side… gives me hope. Thanks for the pick-me-up!
Under employed in Rhode Island, February 15, 2011 - Today was especially rough, as yet another round of jobs I applied to have rejected me. My friends often come to me with advice and I always try to be level-headed and straight forward when giving it to them. I know if a friend came to me in the same situation, I would say exactly what I’ve been hearing. People keep telling me it will happen when I least expect it, to keep trying, and not to take it personally. At least I have some form of income, they might say. But I guess the hardest part, harder than not having a job, harder than watching my friends all get jobs, is that I never expected it to happen. I believed in myself so much I never expected others not to, employers for instance.
Under employed in Rhode Island, February 18, 2011 - Often we sit around and wait for happiness to come. I’m slowly learning that you have to go out and get really uncomfortable if you want any chance at happiness. You have to work really hard, take risks, fail miserably, cry, stop crying and do something.
Under employed in Rhode Island, April 3, 2011 - Do you ever just stop yourself from being happy? I find myself doing that a lot. Searching for things that might not be perfect and dwelling on them until I’ve lost myself in the negative thought. I lose sight of the good things in my life, for fear of getting too comfortable and happy. It’s a terrible habit, but I do it, a lot.
Moving home to Massachusetts, July 5, 2011 - As you might have noticed, last week was the last day of my job in Providence. I gave my notice the week before. I put a lot of clothes in my car. I drove home. Much of my life is still in the apartment in Rhode Island. Like everything I own and then some.
Unhappy at home in Massachusetts, August 18, 2011 - I find myself complaining a lot. I find myself searching and searching for something. Something I don’t have. Never feeling like I have enough, when I truly couldn’t be more blessed. More loved. Let’s be clear, I’m not searching for things. I don’t want a different car, or better wardrobe (just kidding I do want that), or a million dollars. So if I have my health and a place to sleep at night and at least three people I could call at any time of day or night that would come running, then why am I so constantly unfulfilled?
Moving back to Rhode Island with New Job, November 16, 2011 - I’m trying to be less anxious. Dirty dishes can sit for a moment if it means an extra moment to hang out that we’re both awake, even though I’ll always fall asleep first. And since you know that, you always try to rush me out of the kitchen so we can hang out before exhaustion sets in. Why didn’t I realize?… For the record, it’s good to be home.
Learning to Love Again, January 27, 2012 - This time last year, I hated Providence so much, I was boycotting the whole city. I was clearly in a rut, but part of it was my inability to let go of the past. Maybe it’s because I’m in a better place financially, romantically, emotionally. Perhaps, it’s because I really did grow up a lot this year. Or maybe because this blog has been the catalyst for self-realization and happiness. But you know what I really think it was? It was moving back to my hometown for 4 months. And losing all of that. And more. Sometimes, you have to lose things to appreciate them.It’s the worst, hardest way to learn.But often, it’s the only way I learn. And then you come back, and you appreciate things you used to take for granted.
Laid Off, February 1, 2012 - These things happen and they happen all the time and at least I’m healthy and at least I don’t have 5 kids to feed and a mortgage, and was that job even for you? I get it. But man, you have no idea what I went through this past year, and what a job meant to me, and what financial independence meant to me. Four months. That’s all I got. Someday, October to January will be a blink of an eye and it won’t mean much to anyone. But woah, it meant something to me.
Unemployed, March 11, 2012 – Because a year ago, I thought I knew exactly where I’d be today. I think the worst thing to do when life starts to suck is to stop dreaming and planning. I learned that I will never stop planning. But I also learned that my future doesn’t belong on a shelf at all. It belongs outside. Where it can be free to move around and maybe take on a new shape, if it feels so inclined or the weather permits it. Where it can fall and get back up. Your future is not a statue, nor is it set in stone. And the sooner you learn that, the better off you’ll be.
Spraining my Ankle while Unemployed, April 17, 2012 - I hope this is a lesson to anyone: photographer, writer, neither, both, to really make note, in your mind, of all the wonderful moments in your day, so that even when your glass of lemonade pours all over the floor, you still have a very vivid memory of how it looked, full and sparkling. How it tasted, sweet and sour. The whole glass. It’s all yours and your lucky to have one at all.
Getting a Job, May 16, 2012 – It started with a phone call. “They want to offer you the job…” and a feeling of shock, then relief washed over me. Because of this new turn of events, I didn’t feel the usual pang of guilt when, after two years of wanting a set of chairs and a table for my front porch, I finally went out and bought them. An empty space on my porch, much like the one in my life, was now being replaced with something comforting. So I put a vase of flowers on it, because let’s face it, a table and chairs is simply a table and chairs. A job is a job is a job. And while you can fill an empty space, it’s important to fill it with something meaningful to you. This job, like this table, needed to be personal, it needed to fit into the space I had left for it. It needed to be something I could feel good about.
Healing my Ankle, July 13, 2012 - I ran down a path that I’ve gone to before. I ran and I ran until I ended up at the park I sprained my ankle. ”This is where I hurt my ankle,” I said. “And look at you now,” said James.
Balance, July 22, 2012 - We do have great dates and we make good food. But, if I could upload a photo mid-fight of James calling me insane and me calling him an asshole, I probably would. If I could upload a photo of the look on my face as James dragged me out to a slippery, bug-infested rock in the ocean to fish where I literally wanted to cry the entire time and almost did, twice, I would. If I could show you that right before bed, we were a little drunk and fell asleep angry but woke up nice, I would do that too. My point is – my life isn’t perfect, not even close, but I’ll be dammed if I didn’t admit how blessed I feel. I love that I have someone who loves coffee and bookstores as much as I do, who loves trying new restaurants and eating good food. I love that we both know when the other one just needs all the cupcakes. And I love that the majority of our arguments are about the dishes, the laundry and where the mail should go.
Look back at where you started and look at where you are today. How far have you come? What have you learned?