I wrote this on July 20, 2012. I never posted it. I wrote it when the Dark Knight Shooting happened. And then I put it in my drafts. I reread it when our friend lost her son on September 21, 2012. Today, December 14, 2012, will become another date. The burn will sting for some, scar for others. Just as the Dark Knight Shooting, and Columbine before that. Just as 9/11 does, just as Sandy will. This is the way of the world.
I searched my drafts for this post because I wondered if the words would feel the same this time around.
It’s me, or you, it’s Jenna. I know you’re scared a lot. I felt your stomach drop on Wednesday when everyone at work started talking about the severe storm coming. I saw you count your breaths and search for songs to play that would drown out the noise of people’s chatter and the thunder outside. There’s a bigness to life. Bigger than the photos you take of yourself all dressed up. Bigger than broccoli. Bigger than cake. I know storms remind you of that. There are wars and elections and tragedies happening all the time. In all the places. Someone loses someone all the time. I know it’s your biggest fear. I know how you get when you hear that someone lost their soulmate suddenly on a Sunday afternoon. I know you think about that over and over until you’re nauseous and all you can do is try not to get mad at James for leaving his wet towel on the bed. There’s a bigness to life. Bigger than dishes. Bigger than laundry. Bigger than bills. All of these things, they matter sometimes. We need to do our laundry and pay our bills and eat our broccoli. In order to feel creative, we need to take the time to put on outfits that we love and to feel acknowledged, we sometimes need to photograph that thing that we love and share it with whoever will listen. There’s a bigness to life. Bigger than you. But no bigger than you. If you’re not there to enjoy the bigness of life, what’s the point of a big life at all?
My thoughts are everywhere. and with everyone, they can possibly stretch to be today.