On Saturday, April 21, 2012, I was given the opportunity to guest post on a very popular food and wellness blog, Carrots ‘n’ Cake. You can imagine my excitement and pride to be chosen. I understand that constructive criticism is necessary in life. This didn’t feel constructive.
As always, thank you for being such wonderful, inspiring, positive readers. I hope to always have and offer this kind of support in my life. Happy Sunday! Jenna
40 comments :
Loved your guest post and I am glad you posted the vlog. If people don’t like what you write, then they shouldn’t read it. Negativity eats up the positive in the world and if we were just all kinder, then we’d all be happier and healthier.
Chin up girl!
I already left a comment on your Facebook page but I feel the need to say something again. Out of all the guest posts on Carrots N Cake the past week, yours was my favorite and the one the impacted me the most. I’ve been looking for a blog that talked about Paleo in a very straightforward way and shows how it works for people. All of the Paleo related blogs I’ve seen either were too crude or focused too much on Crossfit. Yours has a great balance and is aesthetically pleasing as well. If Tina didn’t back up what you had to say, she wouldn’t have chosen you to post. Don’t let those narrow minded people get you down!!
Hey girl, keep your head up! Your comments weren’t bad and the reaction, like you said, was only because those people don’t know your style and have the protection on the Internet to hide behind! The majority of the comments on Cupcakes were pretty good! Don’t worry. I think that’s one of the things that come with putting yourself out there for people. People will judge.
just keep doing you and know all of your loyal readers love you! Stay strong 
ugh, jenna, those bitches made me SOOOOO livid! i know it’s super upsetting to be faced with negativity or just straight cruelty, especially when fat, lonely, ugly-on-the-inside-AND-outside people can hide behind the anonymity of their keyboard and just type away one rude thing after another, but you also have to file this away under the “look at all the fucks I give” folder in your heart, because these people truly bear no weight in your character (which is strong), your future (which is bright), or your goodness (which is true). And don’t even get me started on your stunning good looks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i really think the proprietor of carrots n cake needs to step back and take a look in the mirror herself for deciding to publish those comments in the first place. i mean, hello! she has the moderator feature one, which suggests to me that she wants to read a comment first to decide whether she wants it to be seen or not…where the hell was HER sense of humanity for allowing that to happen at all? watching bullying and doing nothing to stop it can be just as bad as the bullying itself.
what i do think is worth pointing out is 1.) all the people who did say they related and how much they liked your post–those far outweighed the bitch comments (i personally replied three times to people!! and you know I didn’t hold back.) and 2.) how many comments your post generated in less than 24 hours! you have nearly double what the rest of the lame posts on that stupid blog got in the past week. what it means is, people are engaging with and relating to you. so even if you don’t go back to read the comments, which i would totally understand, just know that you are striking a chord with people, and in the end that’s what it’s all about right??? well, that, and being really, really, ridiculously good looking, of course.
Cupcakes- I understand sticking up for your friend, but you’ve managed here to insult Tina (stupid blog), all the other guest posters who participated (lame posts), and any person who didn’t like that one statement Jenna made (fat, lonely, ugly bitches?). If you’re going to speak out against mean comments and bullying, you may want to reconsider the things YOU say publicly.
And Jenna- I don’t read CnC much, or your blog, but I’m sorry this has been so upsetting for you. I think wording negative comments (/constructive criticism) similar to how you would say it to a person’s face is good advice. The internet is tough! Brush it off and move on.
i totally get where you’re coming from amy, but from my perspective i’m supporting jenna, not bullying the other people. my comments probably sound a lot like something you would say to your friends when their feelings have been hurt. imagine the last time a friend of yours suffered a messy break up…you probably called the guy a jerk or an asshole. would that make you a bully?
if i were to go to those individual people’s blogs and directly call them that, then yeah, that’s bullying (or more accurately, trolling), but simply generalizing about a group of people is more stereotyping than it is bullying. so okay, i guess i’m guilty of stereotyping. and as for the proprietor of that blog, which i do not read, i don’t consider my comment bullying toward her either since I was questioning her judgment and her role in publishing the negative comments.
i think the real point here amy, goes back to my original consternation about jenna’s situation in general–the focus on the minutia and not the point, both in jenna’s guest post and in my support. hope that clears it up for you.
Thank you for your comment Amy. It’s true that responding to negativity with more negativity is not always useful. I know Melissa personally, far outside the blog world. While we may have different ways of dealing with conflict, I know that her heart is always in the right place when it comes to me. I appreciate the feedback and hope you’ll find other posts on here much less controversial! Jenna
It’s one of the most baffling things about the majority of women, in my opinion – the fact that they do not like for other women to be confident, because it somehow affects their own confidence. I will never understand that mentality, and I’m glad for it. Had you been self deprecating, and written the article in a “no one liked me, I was never good enough, it made me cry, I hated everyone” way, most of the ones bashing you would be relating, because that’s the way their negative minds work. That’s not how your mind works.
And that, sweet Jenna, is why I would rather read your blog, be friends with you, and take inspiration from your stories. Do not allow those sad women to turn you into themselves – that’s their only goal.
they’re just jealous…youre awesome!!!! and down right gorgeous too
Hi Jenna, I read your post on CNC, thought it was interesting and added your blog to my reading list. I’m sure there are lots of people that did the same – for every one person that has something negative to say there will be loads more people who like your post but it doesn’t occur to them to leave a comment. Hope this makes you feel a little better
I love your blog, love your writing style. Confidence is beautiful! I firmly believe If it is not kind and doesn’t lift others up, don’t say it. The good that comes from all this is maybe your lifting up someone who is going through the same thing (bullying). “Pretty” people are bullied too and don’t have perfect lives like many people think. If those people were secure with their own inner beauty would they tear others down?
Love what CupcakesOMG said above.
Keep being an inspiration!
You are an influential and entertaining writer, who is also a great role model to anyone who takes the time to read your blog. I found your guest post genuine, comedic and an overall fun read.
NOBODY has the right to speak to you that way, whether it’s in person, or hiding cowardly behind a computer screen. Your true followers stand behind you 100% and I can bet that we all read that “good looking” statement and giggled jokingly with you. As for the others, they need to learn to keep their purposly judgmental and hurtful comments to themselves.
You took the high rode with this vlog, and even though they do not deserve it, it shows just how wonderful and kind of a person you really are.
Keep your head up , BEAUTIFUL!! Xoxo
I think you have a good sense of life balance & humor. Most of us are not high school sports heros and don’t have a lot of support for figuring out how to keep healthy & fit (and have fun!) as adults.
I’ve added your blog to my regular reads, wouldn’t have found it without your CNC guest post. Thanks for it!
Hi Jenna,
I read your guest post on CNC and loved it! I was horrified when I read those nasty comments!! You are a beautiful girl and very brave to make a vlog and address this cruel act of bullying! It’s fine that you are confident and think you are goodlooking (you are gorgeous) and blessed with the skinny gene (I wish I was) . There will always be haters and people who are jealous. Don’t let them ruin your day. I think its amazing that you were chosen to make a guest appearance on the one of the most famous blogs.
You are such a lovely writer and strong person for posting this! I love reading your blog and I hope that the negative comments written by people who don’t really know you as a person don’t stop you from being yourself when you write. Keep your confidence, lady… it’s contagious!
Tina chose you to guestpost for a reason. I’m sure she had no idea her readers would react the way they did. I can’t tell you enough how ridiculous I think those commenters were. I just can’t understand cruelty between adult women!
Jenna — just catching up with all the action. WOW! I cannot believe how ridiculous those negative commenters were! I mean…you were CLEARLY joking around. I know we can’t hear each other but give me a break, have they ever read humor before? Never mind the fact that you are pretty & awesome. If nothing else, you just got a bunch of awesome new readers who will appreciate your blog and you for what you are.
On another note, I just started Crossfit 3 months ago and I absolutely LOVE it. Tina’s crossfitting actually influenced me to take the plunge and sign up. I’m so glad I did because it’s made such a difference in my fitness life. Adding you to my blog roll and look forward to reading more!
Hi Jenna!
I am not a regular reader of CnC, but I found your guest post through GOMI. I just wanted to say I know it can be hard, but keep your head up and don’t let all of this negativity keep you down. There are always going to be mean and rude people, and I know that I have a hard time ‘letting things go’ as well, but it’s not worth our time and energy to dwell on all of their nastiness.
I hope that your week gets better!
~Courtney
Just so you know, I first found your blog sometime in January, and I liked the first few posts so much that I spent the rest of the week reading your blog from beginning to end because I just thought you were so real and relatable, and I don’t think more than 2 days ever go by before I check your blog for a new post!
On a few paleo blogs last week I started seeing posts about bloggers who were getting negative comments about their weight, and it got me thinking about this vicious circle we live in. I spent a year with an eating disorder in high school and really just hated myself and my body for years afterward. I’m 21 now and it’s only been about a year now that I’ve started to feel good about myself. I’ve always been pretty thin, and I’ve always been pretty, just unable to see it, and now with Paleo I’m even thinner and I’ve noticed a lot of my girlfriends just don’t like it. They like to sit around and complain about how much they hate their bodies, their face, whatever, and I don’t want to join in anymore because I’m tired of trashing myself, and that makes them uncomfortable. Even when I meet new girls they seem to instantly hate me because they seem threatened or something. I’ve lost one of my best guy friends because his girlfriend can’t stand me.
I don’t understand what’s wrong with women, we should want everyone to feel great about themselves, we need to quit encouraging others to feel bad just because we are insecure. I have plenty to be insecure about, but at the end of the day I know I’m good looking and I know I’m smart and talented in a variety of ways and I refuse to apologize for feeling good about that!
I’m sorry people gave you such a hard time. I don’t think there is any problem with feeling good about the way you look! In fact, I think it’s fantastic!
I will say that the comment was confusing to me. It reads as though being good looking replaced your much desired goals in athleticism (until we read at the end what Crossfit provided for you). It just seemed like a contradictory comment in the progression of your post, but certainly shouldn’t have been the main focus.
You ROCK, girl.
That is all.
I’m a frequent CnC reader and thought you contributed a refreshing guest post. I completely don’t understand why one harmless sentence created so much animosity. Whether you were 100% serious, totally joking, or somewhere in-between, who cares! Your writing style was enough to send me over to your blog to check it out. I’m not really interested in the Paleo lifestyle (tried it but it isn’t for me, give me bread!!) but I will return often because I can really relate to other things you talk about and really like your writing style. I also think your vlog took guts. Stay honest and real, that’s what makes loyal readers who can relate to you. Whenever you put yourself out there, you risk harsh criticism. It’s unfortunate that people can be so inconsiderate of others’ feelings, but it seems like you have many supporters. Keep up the awesome work!
I’ve been exactly where you are. I’m proud of you for standing up for yourself. You are strong and beautiful and I want my girls (and me!) to grow up and be just like you.
And with your outlook and positive attitude, there is no doubt that they will. Thank you for the support, Sarah!! XO
I have yet to be able to watch this Vlog due 1) being at work right now and 2) being in another country but I DID read the other post and related comments (and also commented). I love you, your writing style, your personality, your humor, your openness, and a million other things. Don’t let anyone bring you down – they just don’t understand your personality for some odd reason and didn’t care to take the time to read your blog to figure it out before they judged. Miss you! xoxo
Hi Jenna! I’ve been reading your blog for about a month, and I thought i’d put my two cents in as well about this whole negative/bully fiasco that happened at Carrots and Cake. I’m a blog reader, not a owner, and I only read limited ones at that, maybe 3 including yours. I don’t read Carrots and Cake on the regular. I don’t like blogs where the readers get their back up so easily and so I usually stop reading them. I agree with all those who have been supportive of you. To be honest, it blew my mind that people picked up on that comment. It would have gone over my head, I didn’t find it self important or anything the commentors have been calling you. Unfortunately I think it’s a girl thing. Girls can be bitchy, and are quick to point out other things about other girls. I know this, because I am one, and i’ve been there – when I was a teenager, mind you. Although, I definitely wouldn’t unleash on a blogger. If I don’t like a blog or a post, then I just don’t read it! I think more women should be confident about themselves, so keep going as you are! Also don’t think Cupcakes helped your situation either – probably a little unnecessary. What is worse than making a girl angry, is making a pack of girls angry! haha. I like your style, and I will keep reading.
Caroline said pretty much exactly what I was going to say.
I loved the guest post, I thought it was well written and honest. I wonder if you’d called yourself smart (rather than pretty) if you’d have gotten the same sort of responses.
But, honestly, I didn’t think the comments over on CnC turned hateful until someone called everyone “narrow minded judgers” because they didn’t like your post or didn’t understand what you meant by that one sentence.
Looking forward to reading more of your blog and trying out some of your recipes.
While I do not agree at all with the things that were said to you and about you…I have to say this…Bloggers do not always think things through when starting websites. If you are going to post your whole life on a website for the world to see then you are going to have to be tough. You are going to have to get thick skin.Is it right? No. Did you open yourself to the criticism? Absolutely. You should def keep doing what your doing, just don’t get upset when you meet this kind of situation…
Thanks for the feedback, Lisa. It’s true that it was my very, very first time dealing with criticism on a blog post. And while I’m not naive to it’s existence, I did feel it needed addressing. Just because it exists, doesn’t mean we should get used to it or simply write it off. I want to make this world a better place, and if that means I have to say something on a video, than I will. But I do understand I am putting myself out there. I just hope that other people can learn to be more respectful of people’s feelings, as I try to be daily. Jenna
Jenna- You go girl! I love that you have the confidence to call yourself “pretty”. I certainly hope that my daughter feels the same way about herself when she is 14 with a tight pony tail and braces
It is sad that we live in a world where people are shocked at someone feeling confident about themselves and saying it out loud. Tongue and cheek or not it doesn’t really matter. We need to be encouraging others to shout their strengths from the roof tops. We all have a combination of strengths and weaknesses. Jenna, you seem to have a good handle on your own. Self image is a constant balancing act. Thank you for sharing your own struggles and successes with us. I always gain insight into myself through reading your posts.
Keep it coming girl!
You are awesome. Period.
I look forward to reading your posts everyday and I give you so much props for sharing the things you do with your readers. Its very inspiring and trust me my diary (yep still call it that) isn’t as interesting. I only wish I could do what you do. Keep it up girl, I’ll always be a fan.
i had to stop watching your vlog. you are an amazing, beautiful person on the inside and out and to see someones words hurt you like that kills me. continue to be you because that is why sooooo many people adore you. your blog is so true to how all of us are living right now. you are going to be something big. youre published in a magazine!!!!!! i love you jen. stay true to who you are because thats what we love
Hi Jenna, Powerful video. I found you through CNC and delighted I did! As a 50+, I have been dabbling in Paleo and love to read about it! Keep at it!
I read Carrots ‘n Cake all the time and love Tina’s blog, but had never seen yours until yesterday. When i first saw that comment that evryone got so upset about, I admit that I was a bit taken by it. Not because I thought it was a bad comment, but because I rarely see people exuding confidence about their looks. I think society finds being humble and even self critical to be more accepting than being proud and happy about their looks. Anyway, I knew your comment would get a reaction because it was bold and rare, and you didn’t make any apologies for being pretty, lucky and feeling good about it.
Obviously, I had to read your blog because what stuck out to me were not the negative comments, but everyone saying how funny and quirky you are, and what a good writer you are. I love your blog, not only because you are funny and a good writer, but because your blog is so honest. You talk about the ugliness of fighting with your boyfriend about silly things, how hard it is to be a person in their 20s trying to start a career and getting put through the ringer, and how even through all the hard things, you keep a positive outlook and love yourself. You never take cheap shots or insult people. I think you are a great role model for young girls. Keep doing what you’re doing.
I completely agree with Brie! I have been reading your blog for about a year now and I am somewhat addicted to it! Your blog even inspired me to start my own! Thanks for always being so honest and sharing your life. I know it can be hard to completely put yourself out there for the world to see (and judge). But just know that you are affecting people in a positive way with every post!
xx Sarah
P.S. WHERE HAS GRAMPA BEEN?????
I usually never comment on blogs but I have been reading your blog for a while and have always loved how much self confidence you have. It’s very refreshing because so many women are so negative about themselves. When I read your guest blog I loved it. Then I read the comments and I was so sad that people could put someone down like that just for having self confidence. Broke my heart. I would much rather read someone that says good things about themselves than bad things. Then I was afraid you would change your writing style. So please don’t!!! Don’t change! The negative people are the ones that need to change!
Omg Jenna i’m so sorry this happened to you
I can’t even imagine how it must feel being bullied like that. I’ve never gone through this, but good for you for being such a strong person and addressing the issue!
People who bully others like that, have bad self-esteem issues/are not confident people, so they bring others down to make themselves feel better. You are SO much better then all of them!
I’m sorry you were so hurt by those comments. However (1) I’m a little baffled by how awful you perceived those comments to be. Tina may have deleted some, but it seemed to me like a lot of people were saying that your “pretty” comment made them uncomfortable… Did you tease out perhaps WHY it made them uncomfortable? Several people in the comments noted that your words seemed to perpetuate a pretty or sporty dichotomy, which a lot of people find disturbing and which, from reading your blog, I don’t know if even YOU have fully addressed. Why do women have to be pretty or sporty? Is it unacceptable to be unpretty or not sporty? Are you still a whole worthwhile person if you stop being pretty or athletic/fit? (2) Bullying is a complex issue. From my perspective I didn’t see the “negative” comments as bullying. No one was attempting to intimidate you or gain social position. Again, it makes me curious about your world view. Have you thought about why you assumed these people were bullying you? (3) You and some of your followers seem to be making some assumptions about the people who criticized your blog post. That they are haters… That they’re bitches… That they’re jealous… Let’s be intellectually honest here. Calling names only perpetuates female on female hate. One comment made on a blog does not define a person. I don’t like the hate any more than anyone else (Don’t even get me started on GOMI, ugh!) but people have a right to their opinions, and sometimes we can learn from negative comments. You seem like a lovely, attractive girl so I was initially hesitate to publish this but I really do think that something besides “the world if fully of meanies/the internet can be nasty” can be learned from this. Sometimes other people’s criticism allows us the opportunity to question our own assumptions. Best of luck to you and I hope you keep writing a long time. Writing allows us to tell our stories, which only gives back to the world instead of taking. Your words matter and they contribute to the collective story.
I rarely read CNC, and came across your post.
I try to stay out of internet fights because it’s pointless, but I was so annoyed/frustrated with the response that I responded to probably 4 or 5 comments on there.
I also responded to you on that post. I’ll say it here, too- it blows my mind that people are offended by a woman saying she is good looking. I mean… I just can’t with that mentality. We wring our hands over women having poor self-esteem, and we’re so used to hearing women say they’re fat/ugly/stupid/have bad skin that when someone says “I’m good looking”… we’re offended?? That is sad.
Cortney! Thank you, truly, for all your kind words. I know that the overall goal was to stick up for all women who want to feel confident, but I really felt like I had a great friend out there sticking up for just me. You’re amazing!